conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
