rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
