i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
