I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
