She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
