man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
