Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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