a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
