dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
