I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
