Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
