I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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