I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
