i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
