finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
