I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
