I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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