There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
