how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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