Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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