I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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