Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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