Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
