fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
