i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
