so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
