My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
