y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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