if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
