he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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