I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
