Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
