$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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