You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
