can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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