he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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