She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
