If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
