Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
