Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
