She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
