No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
