after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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