So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
