the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
