I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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