my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
