He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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