You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
