she woke up with a sticky ear
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
