so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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