As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
