so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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