I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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