Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she looked like the before picture.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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