he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
